Why Humans are Social
Social distancing and quarantine is impacting people in ways unprecedented. Extroverts and introverts alike are feeling disoriented amidst the mandatory isolation. It feels very, unhuman…
Human Beings Are Social Creatures
Modern humans live in communities designed with the basis that each member will contribute value to the group, have a shared identity with that group, as well as certain entitlements and protections. We live in a society where we don’t have to be entirely self-sufficient.
We seek the help of others to build our shelters, grow and cook food, provide health care, or send satellites into orbit for our Internet. Now more than ever we are witnessing how important everyday unsung heroes are in keeping our society functioning. We are all in this together, and we all need each other.
There are many benefits to this kind of civilization, including that we are able to focus on a certain path, skill, or profession beyond sustaining our basic daily survival. You don’t need to know how to build, fly, or fuel a plane in order to vacation in Maui. While it is true that some people are able to live off-the-grid, I doubt they grew and developed the fabric for their personally-designed clothing, or mined the oil for the gas to put in their machines. There are numerous practical functions to the reality of society.
But Why Are We Social?
In short, we evolved that way. Lots of animals did. Wolves have packs, dolphins have pods, gorillas live in bands, ants in colonies, etc. Richard Dawkins in The Selfish Gene explores how social living has an evolutionary advantage for the individual as well as the species in general. Early humans knew that being social, developing relationships with other humans, and sticking together for communal survival is an evolutionary advantage on multiple levels.
The instinct to reproduce drives the species to seek out a sexual partner rather than being solitary. If there is competition with other potential mates, it made sense for the male to keep his female with him to ensure the survival of his own genes. When they had offspring, the mother noticed her young had a better chance of survival if she stayed with them. When the family is protected, the genes are able to continue to reproduce over time. There is a huge gain in working together in the mutual benefit of survival.
Sigmund Freud, in Civilization and its Discontent, discussed the origin of communities and families had a twofold foundation: the compulsion to work, which was created by external necessity; and the power of love, which was the woman being unwilling to be deprived of her child, and the man unwilling to be deprived of the woman. In terms of love and attachment, these are things that we seek from cradle to grave.
As infants, we relied on the love of our parents to care for us to ensure our survival. As children, love kept us safe and made us feel secure and important. As adults, love keeps us connected with other people, makes us feel part of a group while at the same time being special. This love creates companionship and families that fulfill that instinctual need to connect with others.
United We Stand — 6 Feet Apart
As the population grew, civilized life was developed to accommodate the expansion, which required civil law and order to keep chaos at bay. And in the era of Covid-19, keeping chaos at bay means keeping to ourselves. Which innately feels wrong to us, at least after a while. Solitude and self-reflection is great, but eventually we miss our loved ones. We miss other humans, and we get a little stir crazy.
If you are struggling with the quarantine, self-isolation and social distancing, this is totally normal! There is nothing wrong with you; you aren’t clingy, or boring, or desperate. This is against our nature. Thankfully, we live in a time of technology, where even if we can’t be in proximity, we can still connect on some level.
You may have seen the videos of people in Italy singing and playing music together while quarantined, or the musicians playing live stream shows for entertainment, authors of children’s books reading kids stories, etc. Humanity is showing up! You can too. Call a friend, use video chat, and reach out to a neighbor (from a safe distance). We will get through this together, quarantine doesn’t have to mean loss of community. If you are looking for some quick advice on how to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally during this difficult time, check out my article entitled: Covid-19: 19 Tips for Self Care.
Where Can I Find Help?
As a therapist, obviously I am biased and believe that most people can benefit from therapy. Especially if you are interested in learning more about the biopsychosocial science behind humans and human relationships. If you feel like you need a safe place to process during this pandemic, ask your therapist if they offer tele-health or online therapy services.
Here at Roots Relational Therapy, it’s all tele-health! You never have to miss an appointment because you’re feeling a little ill, you don’t have transportation, your mental or emotional state is making you hesitate to get help, or if there is a call to self-quarantine! If you are curious about therapy and want to learn more, I encourage you to begin by clicking around my website. But I totally get that therapy can be intimidating, hard to find, time consuming, and expensive.
That’s why I’ve written a book that is a fraction of the price of one therapy session! It’s called: The Root of Relationships: How to Know Yourself, Understand Others, and Create the Relationships You Want. I’ve already spent the money and time to get advanced education and training in Psychology, Sociology, and Psychotherapy, packed some of the best stuff into one place, and made it easy to understand and digest. Sign up with your email on my “Book Publications” tab, and download the accompanying free workbook!
If you think you’re beyond a book and ready to dive into some hardcore therapy, Contact Me for a free 15 minute consultation with me, where we can talk about what pursuing therapy together might look like.
The more you know, the more you grow!
