Self-Awareness: Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Your Relationships
If you only learn one thing from me, I hope it’s this—
The single most potent and valuable way you can improve every relationship in your life, is to improve your own self-awareness. Self-awareness is when you are conscious/mindful of the impact that your life experience and social context has on your character, thoughts, feelings, motives, and desires. If these things are off your radar, you’re stumbling around in the dark. Self-awareness is the key to check yourself.
As a psychotherapist, my own self-awareness/self-of-the-therapist work is crucial. In my field, I don’t have tools like a dentist or a mechanic—I am the tool. And in order to be effective in helping clients, I need to be aware of what’s going on with me; my thoughts, feelings, intentions, how I am presenting myself, and how others might be interpreting that presentation. This self-awareness is a major part of my work because it puts me in a position to connect with clients and hold a space where they can also become more self-aware.
The wise Dr. Covey stated “seek to understand, then to be understood.” Meaning that in order to have good relationships with people, we should try to understand other people first, and then try to explain ourselves to them. But there’s something really important that has to happen before all of that— we have to seek to understand ourself, then seek to understand the other person, and then seek to be understood by that person. I hope I didn’t lose you there…
Dr. Covey and I share the understanding that learning to communicate effectively is an important life skill, but first, there’s a need to really understand where you’re at, where you’re coming from, and whether or not your ego and emotions are really blurring your judgment. Sometimes someone could be very open and honest with us, but we can’t see it because we’re stuck in our own thoughts and emotions. We have to do some work on ourselves before we can play well with others. It’s a much better investment of your time and energy to begin by changing yourself rather than trying to push other people to change.
Self-Awareness is Like Mindfulness
It is a life-long practice. A practice that even I, a licensed mental health professional, have to work on every single day. Part of being self-aware means that you are willing and able to analyze how your past experiences still have an impact on your thoughts and feelings in the current moment. Trust me, this is all way easier said than done. So don’t feel discouraged if you’re not there yet. Maybe what you need right now, is to be aware, that you haven’t been self-aware. And when you’re ready, you can grow from there.
Where Can I Find Help?
As a therapist, obviously I’m biased, and I think most people can benefit from therapy. Especially in developing this skill of self-awareness. If you are curious about therapy and want to learn more, I encourage you to begin by clicking around my website.
But I totally get that therapy can be intimidating, hard to find, time consuming and expensive. That’s why I’ve written a book that is a fraction of the price of one therapy session! I’ve already spent the money and time to get advanced education and training in Psychology, Sociology, and Psychotherapy, packed some of the best stuff into one place, and made it easy to understand and digest.
I believe that a great sense of self and great relationships should be available to everyone. So if you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, and looking for some guidance on a place to start, I’ve got you boo! The Root of Relationships: How to Know Yourself, Understand Others, and Create the Relationships You Want is a refreshingly relatable how-to guide that teaches you how to:
Simplify the complex process of understanding the self, other people, and how to create mutually rewarding relationships.
Identify and change self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from living a life you love.
Stop feeling like a victim and learn the skills to become the architect of your own life.
Sign up with your email on my “Book Publications” tab, and I’m going to give you the book’s e-workbook FREE! That way you have a safe place to practice what you learn in the book before you apply it in the real world.
If you think you’re beyond a book and ready to dive into some hardcore therapy, Contact Me for a free 15 minute consultation with me, where we can talk about what pursuing therapy together might look like.
The more you know, the more you grow!
