The Truth About Red Pill

Many of you won’t like the perspective I’m about to share. But I encourage you to take a deep breath, switch on your curiosity, and suspend reactive judgments until the end of this article. I’m asking you to hear me out and trust that I have your best interest at heart…

The Red Pill Community isn’t All Bad!

It encourages men to get in shape, develop self confidence, and learn skills to make money. It was originally based in evolutionary psychology as applied to relationships. The point was for men to learn how to lean into healthy forms of masculinity and love women better based on biological imperatives between men and women.

However, it’s been perverted into something dark and antagonistic. Popular red pill community advice on sex and relationships is absolute crap! It has become a group of men that wrongly attribute most of their problems to the female sex. They speak in hyperbole and believe every woman has the proclivity of the few, worst examples of women. As I stated in my previous article, Sex Tips for Men, only about 10% of women have a personality disorder that would be a cause of concern for exploitative behaviors.

And yet, radical man-hating feminists are no better! They suffer from the same cognitive distortions! They are the equal but opposite polarities of each other.

Feminism also isn’t all bad! Feminism was originally meant to elevate women to an equal level as men; acknowledging and respecting women’s unique experiences and strengths. Instead, it has also been perverted to the “oppressed becoming the oppressor”. They make ridiculous claims like “every man is a potential rapist”, and “I’d rather be caught in the woods with a bear than with a man!” They also make gross generalizations that blame men and “the patriarchy” for all their problems.

Red Pill and Radical Feminism Are the Same

Have you ever had two family members or two friends that absolutely hate each other, but from where you’re standing, they’re actually exactly the same? That’s how radical feminism and red pill are! Red pill relationship advice has the same flavor as radical feminism.

Both are all-or-nothing, where one entire sex is villainized, and the other is victimized.

Both lack appreciation for the differences in the opposite sex, and distort complementary features into a competition.

Both teach their followers to only care about themselves at the expense of others; where the harm they cause is self-righteously motivated, yet the harm done onto them is inherently evil.

Both impose accountability entirely on the opposite sex and disown any personal responsibility in relationship dynamics.

Both believe double standards are okay as long as it benefits themselves.

Both teach making enough money means you can afford to have bad character.

Both ideologies are based on fear and hate, with the proposed “solution” being self-preservation via manipulation of the other.

The Blind Leading the Blind

Radical feminism is hurt women teaching other hurt women, and red pill is hurt men teaching other hurt men.

They cling to their trauma and proclaim their unhealthy relationship experience as an overgeneralized truth. They convince themselves they’re doing a service to their gender; warning the others so they don’t get hurt like they did, when in fact, they are projecting and perpetuating their own fears.

Why exactly would they do this?

Incentives are clear. First, it validates their own feelings and fortifies their own ego. Convincing other vulnerable people makes them feel resolute and self-righteous. Misery loves company, and it is much easier to commiserate, rather than change themselves for the better. These ideologies incentivize people to stay stuck oscillating between the anger and depression phases of grief, and take on this ideology as part of their identity. Becoming a part of the red pill or radical feminist community provides an illusion of connection and belonging that they haven’t been able to achieve within real relationships.

The second incentive is making money off of wounded men and women. People have created entire brands with merchandise they can sell as an emblem of your identity, rooted in the worst experiences of your life, or your greatest fears. It is an incredible exploitation of emotions, as all good marketing is.

Cultural Implications and Agitations

These polarizing views create a self-perpetuating cycle. One sex hurts the other, the hurt find a community that affirms their pain and encourages maladaptive coping mechanisms, returns fire to the opposite sex (feeling justified doing so), and the cycle continues. We cannot stop this toxic cycle unless we get to the root of the problem, which neither red pill or radical feminist communities do. On a grand scale, we need to rebuke the culture of glorifying victimhood and self-righteous retaliation.

In therapy, we understand that maladaptive coping mechanisms make sense on some level; we utilize them because they serve some function, even if it doesn’t make rational sense. Obviously, drug addiction can cause some significant harm in a person’s life. However, it also provides an escape from pain that they don’t feel like they can attain any other way. These communities are the same; they exist for a functional reason — they’re an attempt to replace what was lost — a roadmap of what we’re supposed to do with the opposite sex.

The fracture of the family unit has left us without positive role models of healthy relationships. Most families have more divorces than long standing marriages in them. This fracture disconnects us from wise elders that, in the past, would have given us healthy guidance on how to navigate relationships with the opposite sex.

Furthermore, humans used to spend a lot of time with each other! There is a loneliness epidemic among us. Advancements in technology and the Covid era have shattered our in-person social network. We used to socialize with people of various life stages, with different vantage points that offer valuable perspectives. Now, we usually only spend time with people in our current life stage. Single men and women feel more comfortable hanging out with other single men and women, where they share misery, confusion and bad advice!

We’ve disconnected single men and women from married men and women who have experience that could be highly useful in developing their long term relationship skills. In place of this natural order, hurt men and women turn to online communities with other hurt men and women. This creates a silo of reality that isn’t directly challenged via real, in-person connections with people at different life stages that humans used to have.

Men and women have never been more confused by what they’re supposed to do with each other! Yes, when we’ve been hurt by the opposite sex, we have to feel and process our way through it. When we’re in the middle of having a trauma response, we cannot think clearly. However, relying on these ideologies is a choice to stay stuck!

If we misdiagnose the disorder, we can’t come up with an appropriate cure. The root of the problem is not what these communities claim it to be, so their proposed solutions won’t work.

What to do Instead

Rather than relying on these overcorrections to trauma, we need to follow a different path. A path focused on healing relational trauma (both in your family and in romantic relationships), learning how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy partners, developing longterm relationship skills, and evolving into a mindset where there is a complementary balance of the sexes.

I’m here to course-correct, to help men and women back on track to loving each other, making each other better versions of themselves, and for the benefit of our species as a whole.

When you get out of a bad relationship or a bad interaction with the opposite sex, here is what you should do:

You should do a post-mortem examination of what went wrong. Start by examining what you’re accountable for, including what attracts you to this type of person, especially if you have a track record of repeated interactions with unhealthy people. If you struggle to answer this yourself, a therapist could be a great resource for you. Once you’ve taken account for your part, then you can reflect on what the other person was accountable for.

Next, you should reflect on what you want and need as a partner in order to be happy and healthy, and be able to verbalize it. That way, you’ll know the type of partner will be a good match for you.

You should also learn about the evolutionary biology of what the opposite sex actually wants from you, and improve in those areas to attract the best possible match you can.

You should learn how to distinguish between unhealthy and healthy partners, so you can make more informed selections.

Finally, you should learn about healthy attachment and relationship skills so you can maintain a connection once you find an appropriate match.

We cannot heal attachment wounds in isolation. Attachment wounds from relational trauma can only be fully healed in the context of a healthy relationship. You either learn how to do these things differently, or you choose to forfeit your potential.

Where Can I Find More Help?

If you’re looking for a space to process relational trauma and develop a healthy relationship skills — therapy can be a great resource for you!

Maybe you aren’t fully ready for therapy yet — That’s okay too! Click the button below to subscribe to my YouTube Channel, Tips from a Therapist, where I offer some of my best tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself and other people.

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The more you know, the more you grow!