“Is My Therapist My Friend?” Why Your Therapist is Better Than a Friend
You’ve shared your darkest secrets and greatest fears with them, as well as celebrated your greatest triumphs and successes. You spend about an hour together multiple times a month, which is more than can be said for some of your other closest relationships. They’ve listened to you, supported you, and helped you through some of the toughest moments of your life.
Isn’t that a friend??
No — but in many ways, it’s even better!
The therapeutic relationship is by nature an intimate one - but first and foremost - it is a professional relationship. Therapists provide a service of assisted self discovery; one that is both priceless, and yet has an hourly fee.
It may sometimes feel similar to friendship because I listen to you, I know a lot about you, and I care about you. But there is one big difference…
Friendship is a Two-Way Street — Therapy is One-Sided
I’m here for your benefit; you never need to worry about me. This is a scenario that wouldn’t work very well in a friend relationship, and is usually a great relief for people who identify as a people-pleasure or caregiver.
You don’t have to worry about my feelings or making space for me to be heard. I hold the space for you.
It can be hard to be honest with friends about what’s really going on. You don’t want to burden or worry them unnecessarily, you just want to have a good time with them; as you should!
Your friends and family have a certain perspective of you, whether that is good or bad. I look at you with fresh eyes since you have no personal connection to me.
Your therapist isn’t afraid to tell you the truth. Unlike friends, I will call you out in the most loving and supportive way possible.
You don’t have to pretend that you’re feeling better than you are. I specialize in tough emotions; your tears and anger won’t put me off.
You can say things to your therapist that you can’t say to your friends. I won’t shame you or make you feel guilty about mistakes or choices you make, and I won’t take things personally.
Confidentiality — You don’t have to worry about me sharing your secrets.
*Unless there is a threat of harm to yourself or others, of course.
I’m a safe place for you to untangle your thoughts and process tough emotions. Friends aren’t trained to do that, and it can be quite draining to the listener if they aren’t prepared for it.
You can trust that the feedback I give you isn’t lined with ulterior motives or contaminated by my own emotions. Not only am I highly trained in understanding human psychology, social interaction, and communication, I am also trained to compartmentalize my stuff from your stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, friends are important! I will always encourage clients to invest-in and rely-on their friends for support.
However, I became a therapist because I genuinely care about helping people; but the best way to accomplish that isn’t always through friendship.
It’s not uncommon for therapists to hear clients say things along the lines of: “You don’t really care about me, you just pretend because it’s your job and I pay you.” — I can’t speak for other therapists, but for me, this is not the case.
Let’s be real — being a therapist isn’t a walk in the park. I can think of a million easier ways to earn a paycheck.
One of the highlights of my job is actually meeting and getting to know people on a level I never would be able to if I were not a therapist. I get to connect with unique people who I find intelligent, funny, creative, and committed to their personal development. I get to help people heal, overcome hardships, and watch them evolve into a better version of themselves.
I have many clients that if we were to have met outside of therapy, we could potentially be friends. But I believe we met and connected for specific, much bigger reasons.
The Boundaries of a Therapeutic Relationship are There to Create Space for You to Grow
As your therapist, I treat you with unconditional positive regard, meaning that I assume you’re always trying your best with what you know, and where you are right now. Friends can take things personally. That’s part of the reason why professional boundaries are important.
Think of the therapeutic relationship like a delicate ecosystem — there are certain balances and boundaries in place to ensure things flow naturally. It sets the therapist apart from all others in your life. Our relationship is different so you can be different.
I get it — It’s weird to spill your heart out to someone who doesn’t share much about themselves. But you aren’t coming to therapy for a friend, you’re coming to therapy for you. And I won’t let you forget that!
There are times where I may share some personal information about myself with clients if it is therapeutically appropriate to the situation. There are also times where they may see my cats in our video sessions together, and I will always welcome compliments on how handsome they are :)
To learn a bit more about me, feel free to visit my meet the therapist page.
Okay — But Can We Be Friends After Therapy is Over?…
No. Like any relationship, the foundation on which it is built determines the rest of the build. It isn’t a natural evolution from therapist to friend.
Plus, I always want to be available for you as a therapist if life gets hard and you need support.
Where Can I Find Help?
As a therapist, I am obviously bias towards therapy and believe that most people can find value in the therapeutic process. You can start researching right now by clicking around my website.
Maybe you aren’t fully ready for therapy yet — That’s okay too! That’s why I’ve written a book that is a fraction of the price of one therapy session! It’s called: The Root of Relationships: How to Know Yourself, Understand Others, and Create the Relationships You Want. I’ve already spent the money and time to get advanced education and training in Couples Therapy, Psychology, Sociology, and Psychotherapy, packed some of the best stuff into one place, and made it easy to understand and digest. Sign up with your email on my “Book Publications” tab, and download the accompanying free workbook!
If you think you’re beyond a book and ready to dive into therapy, CONTACT ME for a free 15 minute consultation, where we can talk about what pursuing therapy together might look like.
The more you know, the more you grow!
