How to Create Lasting Change in 30 Days
What is “Lasting Change”?
Achieving lasting change means that you change; including your beliefs about what is important, what is possible for you, and aligning your lifestyle with them.
Change happens when we prioritize what is important to us, and develop sustainable systems that allow it to develop into a natural part of us.
Some people call these habits, others call them rituals or routines. No matter what you call them, there are certain techniques that are most likely to help you successfully incorporate new things into your lifestyle.
Mindset and Managing Expectations
When defining success, seek progress, not perfection.
The goal isn’t to suddenly make change cold-turkey and see how long you can bear it. A lot of New Year’s Resolutions fail because people expect a day of the year to be the “right time” to force a change into existence.
The calendar doesn’t tell you when you’re ready for change — you do. When you know better, you do better. So include research and education as part of the process towards change.
Invest some time in research and education about the change you want to make, why it’s important, and ways that other people have been successful in achieving it. Learning and planning is an important aspect of lasting change.
Choosing What to Change
Choose things that will actually improve your quality of life. Not everyone enjoys waking up at 5am for a fasted workout every day. Don’t choose changes just because they sound good when you say it out loud. Take a moment to consider what will make your life better.
Need a little guidance on options? Life can be simplified into the following general categories:
Health
Wealth
Love
Happiness
Connection to Others and Nature
Spirituality
If you’re like most people, there’s probably room for improvement in each of these categories. Remember: your life isn’t a sprint to perfection - it’s a marathon. You don’t have to change everything that could be better all at once.
Give yourself the time and space to grow gradually, and to feel successful all along the way. Set the expectation for change low, so you can feel confident and competent to tackle larger goals in the future. We all have to crawl before we walk.
Unrealistically high expectations don’t work for most people, and can just set us up for failure. Whatever change you’ve decided to make, break it down into tiny steps — and I mean tiny. Cutting out soda could be too hard for you right now, but switching to diet soda or juice could be a step in the right direction that can develop into a bigger change later.
What if there are a lot of great changes that could be made? Don’t overwhelm yourself! Prioritize things that are a must for you as of right now — not a should.
What does that mean? “Musts” are things that are urgent, compelling, and within the realm of possibility right now. “Shoulds” are things that aren’t very urgent or compelling.
For example: If you don’t have kids right now but plan to in the future, saving for their college fund is probably a should. If you’ve been diagnosed as pre-diabetic, better food choices is probably a must.
Ask yourself: What changes do I have to make as of right now, and why?
Put a lot of thought into that question, and write out what you come up with in detail. This could even take the form of a letter to yourself. However you do it, keep this, and revisit it often as a way to keep you focused.
Develop a System That Supports Your Success
The excitement of planning to make change will get you started; but only last so long. Will power will only get you so far. Systems are necessary to help you sustain change over time.
If you’ve tried to make this change before, be honest with yourself about what got in the way, and address those obstacles first. It can be helpful to ask the following questions:
What will help make it easy for me to succeed?
Is there any preparation or planning that can help me succeed?
What will make this process more enjoyable for me?
Does this change need to be every day right now, or can I begin to focus on it just a few days a week?
One helpful tip is “stacking” the change you’d like to make onto existing habits/rituals. This can make it easier to remember and execute the new change, because you already have momentum with something else. For example: If you already consistently enjoy journalling, it could be an easy addition to meditate afterwards.
Another helpful tip is separating goals/tasks/rituals to certain days of the week. This can give you some much needed rest between making change and staying the same. I like to use alliteration. For example, if your goal is to start writing, don’t expect to suddenly be great at writing every day. Instead, develop the system of “Writing Wednesdays” where you save all of your writing focus for one day. Or “Money Mondays” where you check-in on your financial goals.
Work With Your Natural Tendencies
It’s more beneficial to exploit your strengths, rather than try to improve your weaknesses. You’ve been you all your life. You know what works and what doesn’t work for you. Don’t fight against yourself, work with who you are.
If you tend to forget things, have visual cues or set alarms on your phone to remind you.
If you’re lazy when it comes to following through, plan ahead to make things easier.
If you’re most creative at night, don’t try to force inspiration to come in the morning.
If you watch too much TV, take the batteries out of the remote and hide the remote somewhere inconvenient to get to.
Consider the following question: If I’m being honest and realistic with myself, what changes am I willing and able to make as of now?
Feed Your Focus
We can’t expect inspiration and motivation to show up without an invitation!
Overwhelm your hesitation and procrastination. Deliberately surround yourself with things that inform and inspire you to keep going. Incorporate media that keeps you focused on what you’re trying to accomplish and why.
This could look like:
Subscribing to YouTube Channels that teach and inspire your desired change
Listening to Podcasts and audiobooks
Reading articles and blogs
Having your goals posted prominently in front of you; whether it’s on the wall, a vision board, or as a visual on your phone and computer desktop.
Be creative! Whatever you use to feed your focus, make it very easy to get to. If you’re using apps, put them on the first page of your phone. Make them easier to get to than your current dysfunctional behaviors.
Meet Your Needs
The only reason people do things is to meet their needs.
We can’t deny our needs — they’re called needs for a reason! Pure will power and deprivation doesn’t work well for most people, and if it does work, it certainly won’t last for very long.
If you are trying to break a bad habit, analyze what need you’re trying to meet with that destructive habit, and choose a productive alternative to meet that same need.
If you’re trying to incorporate a productive habit that feels unnatural at first, emphasize the importance of meeting this need. How will your quality of life change? How will you feel about yourself and your life potential? Furthermore, emphasize the painful consequences you’ve been living with while neglecting this unmet need, as well as how much worse it will get if you continue as you are without change. Document this too, and keep it as a reminder when you’re tempted by old habits.
Check-in on Progress and Pitfalls Frequently
Observe and review how you did every day. Celebrate success and reflect on struggles. It can be helpful to document this through tracking and journalling.
Be Forgiving and Flexible
Don’t be discouraged after a tough day. Don’t beat yourself for not getting things consistently right. Learn why it didn’t work, and incorporate changes to help you succeed the next day.
Remember that your goal is progress, not perfection. If you screw up today, so what? Mistakes don’t make you a failure; however, failing to learn from mistakes does.
When you review your progress, notice if what you’re doing isn’t working, and adjust accordingly until you find the way that works for you. Do this process until you get the right system. Once the system is made, things get a lot easier for you.
Upon reviewing your progress, maybe you realize that the initial goals you set aren’t as important, realistic, or sustainable as you initially thought. Guess what? You can change your goals too! For example: Yoga every day may sound like a great goal, but yoga 3x a week can feel just as good without the sacrifice of time for other interests.
Your goal is to create changes that make you feel better, not worse. Otherwise — what’s the point?
Where Can I Find More Help?
If you’re looking for a space to understand, process and overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors that have held you back in the past — therapy can be a great resource for you! You can start researching right now by clicking around my website, or you can dive right in — contact me for a free 15 minute consultation, where we can talk about what pursuing therapy together might look like.
Maybe you aren’t fully ready for therapy yet — That’s okay too! That’s why I’ve written a book that is a fraction of the price of one therapy session! It’s called: The Root of Relationships: How to Know Yourself, Understand Others, and Create the Relationships You Want. I’ve already spent the money and time to get advanced education and training in Couples Therapy, Psychology, Sociology, and Psychotherapy, packed some of the best introductory stuff into one place, and made it easy to understand and digest. Sign up with your email on my website by going to the “Book” tab, and download the accompanying free workbook!
Not an E-book person? Subscribe to my YouTube Channel, Tips from a Therapist, where I offer some of my best tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself and other people.
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The more you know, the more you grow!
