Credibility, Transparency, and Trust

There is power in credibility

To be credible, we must be believable, and to be believable, we must risk being truthful about ourselves. Usually, people try to gain credibility in conversation by holding back their feelings, fear, jealousy, insecurities, etc., in an attempt to appear more logical and technical.

However, technique has little to do with credibility. People don't like people who are hard to read. They get confused and make assumptions; usually for the worse. Communicating from a place of transparency makes us credible because we are believable, and because we are believable, we are trustworthy.

Emotional transparency is an asset in credibility and trust

Our emotions hold important insights. How we emotionally respond in any given situation holds a wealth of information as to how we are perceiving ourselves, the situation, and the person we are communicating with. For example, as a Psychotherapist, how I feel and the sense I get from what a client is saying can be valuable feedback into how the client may make others in their life feel. Psychotherapy with me is then an opportunity to work on social skills, process how to improve the client’s communication with others, and learn how to not send the wrong message by being more transparent.

By being transparent and expressing my feelings of pain and sadness while listening to a spouse berate their partner, it allows the couple to know that they can trust me to be real with them, and that what I say is credible. I lead by example that transparency can break the argument cycle. I can then assist the client in communicating in a way that makes it easier for their partner to understand their message in a way that does not damage their relationship, or cause them to turn away from each other.

I get it — It’s risky to be transparent

Just because we are being honest and transparent, doesn’t guarantee that others will be honest and transparent with us. We are vulnerable, exposed, and hope that others will meet us half way. It is true that we are often lied to or misled by others, even if it isn’t rooted in bad intentions. But that does not mean that we need to become liars as well—quite the opposite. It’s not an effective method anyway. Lying can fool some people some of the time, but humans have an innate sense about these things.

Like our immune system, our credibility detectors are constantly looking out for other people’s bullsh*t and searching for the truth. Many times, the reason why we are fooled by others, is that we are blinded by our wants. Such as people who didn’t see that that guy they met online was actually a scam artist, because they wanted to believe that he really fell in love with them and found them interesting.

The signs were there, but they didn’t want to believe them. Another possible contributor, is a history of trauma. On one hand, trauma may have conditioned them to be attracted to unhealthy relationships, because that is what they’re familiar with. On another hand, maybe they learned to lie in order to protect themself from trauma or abuse, and now it’s difficult to stop. We learned that transparency leads to trouble in the past, and it’s hard to unlearn that in our present.

Transparency is more than just stating facts — it’s needs to be genuine

Perhaps you are part of the group of people who are not afraid to be honest with someone and tell them what’s going on. Yet you notice that your honesty still isn’t effective, or people don’t take you seriously. Another possible culprit is your delivery. Either you are not comfortable enough to openly reveal your feelings in such a way that the other person understands, or maybe you are partially focused on your fear of losing the argument, and cannot focus your energy clearly on your delivery. You’re just off, and people can sense it.

Much of the time this hesitation in delivery stems from the ego trying to protect itself, putting on an act in order to appear more poised. But as any good acting coach would tell you, true acting is never pretending; it is the truth of the character in that situation. But there is no character, only you, and your situation is in an argument with another person.

We don’t have the luxury of having multiple takes and an editor to make our delivery more graceful. If we tell the truth about our feelings and experiences, with the facts that we know, that will be real and credible. To change the world, you have to change the heart of the people; to change the heart of the people, you have to change the mind; to change the mind, you have to instill curiosity in your listener. Being honest and vulnerable makes people curious, interested, and more likely to really listen. If you know what you want to say, and you’re willing to be honest, but you can’t seem to communicate it in a way that translates to your listener, check out my article entitled: Body Hacking and Deliberate Delivery.

This sounds hard. Where can I get help?

Everybody needs a check-up from the neck-up. As a therapist, obviously I am biased and believe that most people can benefit from therapy. Especially if you are interested in more in-depth approaches to learning to allow yourself to be more transparent with yourself, and in your communication with others, therapy is a great place to do that. Therapy offers a place that is confidential, safe, and objective where you can learn to understand yourself and your relationships at a deeper level. It provides a space where you can explore all aspects of yourself without being constrained by outside agendas or expectations. You can practice social and communication skills with a supportive professional, without risk of rejection or embarrassment.

I encourage you to begin researching by clicking around my website. If you like what you read, and interested in talking to me directly, contact me to schedule a free 15 min consultation with me in order to begin your online therapy journey.

Maybe you aren’t ready to try therapy online, or maybe you just prefer face-to-face therapy; that’s okay too! I also have a book that might satisfy your interest in personal growth & development, as well as improving your relationships with others through communication. Click my “Book Publication” tab to learn more about my book, The Root of Relationships: How to Know Yourself, Understand Others, and Create the Relationships You Want, sign up with your email, and claim your free workbook that will give you the space to practice what you learn in the book.

The more you know, the more you grow!