5 Types of Communication Problems

By the time people come to therapy for help with communication problems, they’ve gotten so lost in the weeds of their emotions and egos that they can’t see straight. Often times, they don’t precisely know where the communication is breaking down — they just know it isn’t working.

When we know what the root of the problem is, we have a much better chance at solving it! I’m here with the five types of communication problems, to help you narrow your efforts towards finding a solution.

#1 Primal Problem

If we’re physiologically impaired, we aren’t capable of productive communication. This includes being under the influence of substances, lack of sleep, and nutritional deficiency.

It’s a survival mechanism for our bodies to divert resources away from our cognitive functioning, in order to support our physical needs. So at an absolute bare minimum of having a chance to have productive communication, both parties need to be sober, rested and fed.

If you notice a pattern of either of you failing to be sober, rested and fed, lifestyle changes must be prioritized over everything else. Otherwise, you have no chance at resolving any of the other four types of problems.

#2 Preference Problem

This is when you have different preferences as people. One person prefers to do it one way, and the other person prefers to do it another. The “proper way” to load the dishwasher is a common example of a preference problem!

Solving this type of problem requires sharing why you both feel strongly about your preference, and assessing whether the difference in preference actually matters; meaning whether or not it causes any harm.

If the difference doesn’t really matter, it’s best to allow both of you to maintain your individual preferences, and respect each other’s differences as valid. If the difference does matter and causes harm in some way, solving preference problems require you to mutually collaborate on a win-win compromise.

#3 Perception Problems

This is when you have different perceptions of what something means. Perception problems arise when one person wrongly attributes meaning to the words or actions of the other person.

Examples include jumping to conclusions, putting words in peoples’ mouths, and allowing one’s ego to obscure their perception of reality.

Solving this type of problem requires gentle and persistent clarifying questions. Being able to say things like, “What I hear you saying is ___. Is that what you meant?” or “When you did ___, I took that as ___. Am I understanding you correctly? Or am I missing something?” And doing so until both of you are on the same page.

#4 Process Problems

Process problems involve falling into bad communication habits, where you treat each other as enemies rather than allies. Behaviors like pushing each others’ buttons, and being reactive or defensive. This could be due to a lack of communication skills, or emotional immaturity. These bad habits end up making more problems instead of truly trying to fix one.

For instance, in the middle of a conflict, someone says something sarcastic. Now, the argument has two problems—the original issue and the sarcastic person’s attitude.

Solving this type of problem requires self-regulation and restraint. Self-regulation in the sense that each person is responsible for managing their own physical, mental and emotional wellbeing, so they’re able to listen and respond, rather than react.

Restraint is important so we don’t throw gas on the fire by taking jabs at each other.

#5 Pressure Problem

Pressure problems include circumstances that make solving problems within the relationship more difficult. This includes obligations outside of the relationship that drain the time and energy needed to solve problems within the relationship.

Examples of pressure problems could be overworking or having unwanted influence from extended family. Solving this type of problem requires acknowledging the negative effects of external circumstances, and making the necessary adjustments. This would mean having better work/life balance or better boundaries with extended family.

Now What?

As you review the five types of problems, you may notice they can overlap and agitate each other. Think of a recent conflict you’ve had, and see if you can isolate the different strands into these five categories, so you can begin to untangle them. Then address them one-by-one, beginning with any primal problems.

Where Can I Find More Help?

If you’re struggling with communication problems and unsure of how to navigate them on your own — therapy can be a great resource for you!

Maybe you aren’t fully ready for therapy yet — That’s okay too! Click the button below to subscribe to my YouTube Channel, Tips from a Therapist, where I offer some of my best tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself and other people.

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The more you know, the more you grow!