What Young Adults Need to Hear: Creating Structure After School
If you’re between the ages of 18 to 23, this article is for you!
Up until the widespread tragedy of crushing student loan debt, the unquestioned path to success included college after high school. If you’re really lucky, maybe you have the option of a gap year between finishing high school and starting college.
Parents are just doing what they think is best; promoting the path that worked for them. However, prioritizing the pursuit of academic education, can simultaneously deprioritize other essential realms of healthy human development.
This is a significant conversation to have, because there is a mental health epidemic amongst young adults that is stunting their development and having catastrophic societal consequences. This age range is the most stressed, anxious, depressed, and on the most psychiatric medications than ever before in human history! I speak to too many young people in therapy that feel trapped in a life that doesn’t feel worth living, and they need to hear there’s another way forward.
When College Is “The Right Path”
College can be a great route for a lot of people; it certainly was for me! However, I had a clear path towards psychotherapy that required undergrad and graduate level degrees. College is the right path for you if you’ve got:
(1) A clear path towards a specific career
(2) That you’re genuinely excited about, and
(3) Will have a return on investment for you financially,
THEN college will be an excellent choice!
When College Isn’t “The Right Path”
However, if you don’t meet all three of those requirements, I want you to ask yourself, “Why do I think I need to go to college?”
Is it because someone told you to? Is it because you think you’re supposed to? Is it because your friends are doing it? Is it because you want to get out of your family’s house? Or is it because you finished high school, and you’re not sure what else to do?
Sometimes, young people sign up for college, or even graduate school, because it provides a familiar and comfortable structure to their life. Being a “student” can mean they get to delay adulthood. To them, it’s just a good answer they can give when someone asks what they’re doing with their life.
If you’re already in college, are you managing pretty well? Yes, there are some professions like medicine, engineering, and law that are notoriously difficult to pursue, and will have some temporary negative impact on your physical and mental wellbeing. However, if you notice you’re not eating or sleeping, your basic needs aren’t being met, and you are mentally unwell, this may also be a sign that college isn’t the right path for you at this time. The good news about college, is they will take your money at any time! If you decide later college is the best thing for you, it will still be there!
We all have different capabilities of what we can handle. Some people can hold a job, go to college and manage their health well enough. Others, may only have the bandwidth for one or two main focuses in their life. For example, they can handle a difficult academic program, but their health will suffer. Or, they can do school and take care of their health, but can’t hold a job on top of that. Or they can take care of their family and go to school part-time.
There is more than one path forward. Research careers that don’t require a college education, or carefully pick your college major by researching average incomes of specific degrees. Look into trade schools or learn how to start a business that’s manageable with your lifestyle. Maybe you want to serve your country, or volunteer in needy communities around the world to try-on different skills. Or maybe you care more about raising a family than building an empire.
If you fall into any of these categories, this is not a bad thing at all! Every single human being has the same goal: to have the best life they possibly can, while respecting their unique limitations. Becoming a young adult means you’re beginning to find out what your unique limitations are, and how to live with them. I say this because I don’t think it’s sustainable for young people to believe that college is more important than their physical and mental health, or their development as a well-rounded human being.
Creating Structure After School
Since kindergarten, young people have been told what to do, how to do it and when to do it. They have never had the time and space to decide for themselves. The most common question people ask them is, “what grade are you in?” Their academic progress has been the dominant part of their identity, and it’s scary to consider who they’ll be once school is over. They have no idea what their week is supposed to look like when there isn’t a class schedule taking up most of it. I am here to say this is not healthy. People are more than just their brains! They are a body, mind, and soul; all of which are extremely valuable and require care and investment.
Here are the essential things young adults need to pursue, either alongside or outside of college, that will lead to holistic adult development:
Focus on health, try new things, learn skills, make money, and have friends. Every single young adult needs to figure out how to take care of themselves physically and mentally. As much as academic education may serve you in the future, learning how to sleep well, eat well, and make connections with other people will definitely serve you across your lifespan.
Develop competence in something you love, and competence in something in service to society. Figure out how to love someone you’re attracted to. Take the time and space you need to figure out how to think for yourself, rather than memorizing and regurgitating information. Make you own decisions, use your personal agency, and suffer consequences, both positive and negative.
Above all, you need the opportunity to explore and fail without the pressure of a lifetime of debt or remaining financially dependent on your parents one second longer than you absolutely have to. If you’re looking for more specific guidance on creating structure in your life either alongside or outside of college, check out my previous article, New Year, New You: The Ultimate Goal Setting Strategy.
Where Can I Find More Help?
If you’re looking for a place to gain clarity on your goals, improve your mindset, and develop holistically as a person, therapy could be a great resource for you! You can start by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me, and see if we’d be a good fit!
Maybe you aren’t fully ready for therapy yet — That’s okay too! Click the button below to check-out my YouTube Channel, Tips from a Therapist, where I offer some of my best tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself and other people. Once you get to my channel, click Subscribe!
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The more you know, the more you grow!
